* The other day I mentioned how I was looking forward to 2013 rolling around and that I'd talk about it today. Well, I was thinking of explaining how my year went...the medical issues that I'd been having for several years finally coming to a head, getting the better of me and culminating in a life change after a major surgery. The way said changes caused havoc for & in me over the past few years and how others reacted to me due to all this. I wanted to talk about how those whom I thought were in my corner turned out not to be, and that I hope to God they never have to deal with someone who needs help/support because their lack of understanding, empathy and sympathy is truly astonishing. I'd love to warn people and say "Don't be fooled by them. They're takers, and when it comes to backing someone else, forget about it. If the spotlight's not on them, then it's a crime because no one else counts." I was suffering so bad. I didn't need their punishment. I needed their support while it was my turn to shine, and I didn't get it. I needed their understanding that I had been physically/mentally/emotionally traumatized and was dealing with that turmoil on top of everything else, and I didn't get it. It was heartbreaking, and I snapped.
* But you know what? I want to go into the new year letting go of the past and looking toward a bright future (since the world didn't end) so I forgive them. I don't think I'll invite them back into my life like they once were because I no longer trust them, but I do forgive them. They are who they are and what happened happened. Perhaps I wasn't all that clear in my intentions for them and perhaps I expected too much, but everything that happened ~ the medical issues, losing friends, gaining new ones ~ turned out to be a good lesson for me. It showed me I have to stop the negativity and blow away the black cloud that's been hanging over me for the past 4+ years due to the medical stuff that leached into my psyche and everyday life. I still have moments - this holiday season was a bit tough due to the medical decision made at the beginning of the year - but I'm a hell of a lot better than what I was. Part of the healing came from finally sleeping again. Amazing what a full, uninterrupted night of sleep after not having one for years will do for one's mind! All this also taught me that I have to learn how to treat myself better, not rely on others for feeling any kind of worth and to learn how to forgive myself. That last part is the most important of all and may be the hardest for me to do, but I'm determined to make the changes needed.
* In 2013, I have a number of things I'd like to accomplish. On Facebook, I saw a post about a craft/positive thinking idea & I plan on implementing it ~ a jar where when you have something good/special happen you write it down and put the paper in the jar and then at the end of the year you take out the papers and read everything good that happened. I want to write and finish a bunch of projects under all my pen names. I want to do the standard resolution ~ Lose weight and get fit! I'd like to finally start playing the piano. There are some home renovation projects that need to get done too. Basically, it's a lot of stuff that I had no energy to do in 2012 even though I had a desire to pursue things.
* On my computer, I have pictures of ocean scenes and of positive affirmations and quotations. One of the quotes is "Sometimes burning bridges isn't a bad thing... It prevents you from going back to a place you should never have been to begin with." I feel that way about 2012 (well, the past several years actually.) Just want to burn that particular bridge and not go back. A few more quotes, which helped me to change my thinking, that I'd like to leave you with are: "Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." ~ "I am free of the past. What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new. Right now." ~ "Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. If you aren't being treated with love and respect, check your price tag. Maybe you've marked yourself down. It's YOU who tells people what your worth is. Get off the clearance rack and get behind the glass where they keep the valuables."
* In short, I've walked away from the bad, I'm not looking back & in 2013 I'm going to 'get off the clearance rack and get behind the glass.' :)
* There’s a grand prize being given away for this hop. Please visit Ashlynn Monroe’s Website for details and for other hop stops on which you’ll have to comment to be entered for the grand prize drawing.
* I’m giving away a prize for a lucky reader who participates in this blog hop! To be entered in my drawing for a choice of two PDF books by either C.R. Moss or Casey Moss (or one from each), in the comment section below please answer the question I’m about to ask, leave your name and email address so if your name is drawn you can be contacted about your win and ‘Join This Site’ via Google Friend Connect ~ the button to do this is in the column to the right.
* Also, following C.R. & Casey at these links will earn you an additional entry each: C.R. Facebook Page; C.R. Twitter; Casey Facebook Page; Casey Twitter
* Question: What do you want to accomplish in 2013?
* Don’t forget to check out the posts on the 21st & 26th to comment there for extra chances to win a couple of books!
* Looking for a different kind of paranormal story? Pick up a copy of Wild West Hauntings. For more information, visit Evernight Publishing
Happy New Year, dear readers! & Thank you!
C.R. Moss
1 comment:
I loved your heart felt post. You do have to surround yourself with positivity. I too learned this the hard way. May the new year bring you prosperity and happiness.
For me this year, my oldest daughter need to find her way again. She has lost herself a bit and I want to help her in some way.
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