a look at 'Parker’s Profile' by L.D. Blakeley @LDBlakeley @evernightpub #gay #humor

Thanks so much for having me on your blog today to talk about Parker’s Profile! I can't wait for everyone to meet Parker and Lane as I’ve become quite fond of them since the day they sprang to life.

The boys first appeared to me last December when a certain viral video was making the rounds. You know the one I’m talking about. The one where the impossibly beautiful Brock O’Hurn teaches the ridiculously adorable Zach Kornfeld how to be sexy? Yep, that video. And because it’s the way my brain works, my first thought was, “oh, what if it were two slightly different men in that situation?” And thus sprang forth my story idea.

And, while I did envision Zach and Brock initially, it didn’t take long before Parker and Lane were two fully-formed characters with their own ideas about how their story needed to be told. So I listened. And I hope you enjoy.

Parker’s Profile by L.D. Blakeley
Available: April 4, 2016
Publisher: Evernight Publishing
ISBN: 978-1-77233-795-2

Parker Knowles needs a date. No, really. If he can't find one by Valentine's Day, he's agreed to let his sister fix him up. And quite frankly, he'd rather chew off his own arm than go out with someone of his sister's choosing.

Internet phenom, Lane Steadman, has offered to show Parker the art of the perfect selfie. After all, an outstanding dating profile is useless without a topnotch photo, right?

Can love really be found on the Internet? Or is a real-world connection closer to Parker than he thinks?

EXCERPT:

“What we need to do is get you wet.”

“Pardon?” Parker squawked.

“Yeah. Aside from that video Seth posted, my most popular pics are the ones at the beach or in a pool,” Lane explained.

There’s a shocker, Parker thought.

“I smelled chlorine in the lobby. I’m assuming there’s a pool in your building?” the other man continued.

“Yeah, there is, but…”

“Perfect.” Lane hopped up and slid his phone into his back pocket, giving Parker both the means and opportunity to ogle. And ogle, he did.

Until he realized Lane meant to take pictures of him in a bathing suit, and all ogling ground to a screeching halt. Oh, hell no

“I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea,” was what he actually said.

“What’s not a good idea?” With perfect timing, Seth strolled into the living room and handed them both a beer.

“Me posing in a pool.” Parker searched for a reason that wasn’t I don’t want to pop a boner near Lane that I can’t hide in a bathing suit.

“Maybe being in the pool will relax you,” Lane added. “Because I don’t think the beer is doing the trick.”

Parker knew the gorgeous man was trying to be helpful. Reluctantly, he nodded.

“Fine. Can I grab my trunks first?”

“Unless you’d prefer to be naked.” Lane winked and Parker felt his kneecaps liquefy.

He knew Lane hadn’t intended to come across as flirtatious. Unfortunately, his brain was having a tough time comprehending that. Pull yourself together, you drooling idiot. This guy is doing you a favor. The least you can do is behave like a sane, rational adult.

Too bad his id was projecting horny, teenage boy.

Pushing aside his inappropriate and misplaced lust, Parker headed into his bedroom and quickly changed his clothes, swapping out boxer briefs for swim trunks. He could do this.

As he headed back into the living room, he grabbed the security swipe card off the key rack by the door. “Okay, let’s get it over with.”

Lane and Seth followed behind Parker and kept up a constant chatter as the three of them rode the elevator to the lobby. Parker waved a quick hello to a neighbor as they exited and made their way toward the pool. When he heard voices coming from the direction of their final destination, however, he started to have second (and possibly third and fourth) thoughts.

“There’s people in there.” He faltered outside the glass doors that led to the pool. “Maybe this isn’t such a good—”

“Nope.” Seth grabbed the swipe card from Parker. “You’re not bailing on this.”

“M’not bailing. Just … can we do it when there’s nobody around?” He was prepared to start begging when the two older gentlemen who had been swimming laps, climbed out of the pool and started gathering up their belongings.

Seth had already unlocked the door and was holding it open for Parker and Lane to join him on the deck of the now-empty pool. “C’mon, stud. Let’s take some pictures.”

“Oh God.” Parker cringed at Seth’s choice of words. As they made their way around the perimeter of the pool, he looked to Lane, who had his phone out and looked keen to get started.

“Should I just…”

“Strip, baby.” Lane’s eyes crinkled in mirth as his mouth curved into a wicked grin.

“I hate you both,” Parker muttered as he fumbled with the buttons on his shirt.

WHERE TO BUY:

Amazon | ARe | Barnes & Noble | BookStrand | Evernight Publishing | iTunes | Kobo

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

L.D. Blakeley is a pragmatist with a romantic soul & a dirty mind who’s a fan of horror movies, hot sex, and happily ever afters. Easily distracted by shiny things, L.D. is a slightly neurotic, highly ambitious dreamer who enjoys dabbling in photography & pretending she can carry a tune.

In another life, L.D. was a newspaper reporter, an entertainment & music writer, travel writer, website content editor, and a marketing shill. Now she prefers to spend her time writing hot, steamy fiction (with a healthy dose of romance) about intriguing, sexy men.

Although she dreams of living some place isolated with an endless supply of wine and an infinite number of titles on her eReader, she currently lives in downtown Toronto with her husband and their rock star cat.

Find L.D. online:
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Goodreads

Chelsea Walker Flagg & 'I’d Rather Wear Pajamas' @chelseaflagg @GoddessFish #Humor #Memoir

Today we have author Chelsea Walker Flagg visiting. Welcome!

What would you like to tell readers about yourself?

* Chelsea was once obsessed with cats, longed to live in a big city, didn't think she would ever have children, and aspired to be an attorney. She now lives in Boulder, Colorado as a stay-at-home mom and comedic writer with her husband and three daughters. She has no current plans to own a cat.

A look into...

~ Blurb ~ * Everybody has the awesome opportunity to find their own strength and path through life. Some come about their self-discoveries through studying and working hard. Others (Chelsea) spend their time nearly burning down kitchens and driving around the country with a car full of hangers.
* Chelsea grew up wanting to be “strong.” She thought arguing her way through childhood and becoming a world-class attorney would get her there. But, through a series of humorous, and only slightly embarrassing events, Chelsea comes to realize that maybe her strength is meant to shine in different ways. ~ Excerpt ~ * “FTL’s biggest client was a fabric design company that made nothing but Hawaiian prints. I’m actually pretty sure they no longer make anything, but rather spend good chunks of their time suing other companies who copy their designs. For me, it meant perusing catalogues and clothing websites in search of items with designs similar to this company’s retired fabrics. How great a job is that, by the way? I was getting paid to look for shirts with palm trees and hibiscus flowers on them. This whole law thing was too good to be true.
* My best assignment came when FTL caught wind that a men’s underwear line was infringing on our client’s design name. She came by and dropped a stack of male lingerie catalogues (yes, they exist) on my desk to go through in search of this name. I spent the better part of a week looking at pictures at mostly-naked men with socks stuffed in their skivvies.
* Nobody knew what to do with me. On one hand, studying oiled-up men in scandalous poses just had to be against any number of company policies. On the other hand, I was legitimately doing work in an effort to make the law firm money, so they couldn’t discourage it. In the end, they just left me alone. And that’s how I learned that you can buy men’s briefs with pre-padded butt cheeks.” Buy I’d Rather Wear Pajamas here... The book will be $0.99 during the tour! Amazon | Barnes & Noble Find Chelsea Walker Flagg here... idratherwearpajamas.com/ | Facebook | Goodreads | Pinterest | Twitter | Website Thank you for joining us here today, Chelsea Walker Flagg! It was a pleasure getting to know you and your story.

ANNOUNCEMENT! Chelsea Walker Flagg will award a $50 Amazon/BN.com gift card to one randomly chosen winner via rafflecopter during the tour! So be sure to leave a comment AND use the Rafflecopter below. Also, visit the other tour stops for a greater chance of winning!

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Ben Mariner & 'Apocalypse Wow' @A_Writer_Guy @GoddessFish #Humor #SciFi

Today we have author Ben Mariner visiting. Welcome!

What would you like to tell readers about yourself?

* Ben Mariner is the author of Apocalypse Wow as well as The Many Lives of Zane Montgomery, which definitely sold some copies to some people. He currently lives in Denver with his wife and animals. He enjoys mozzarella sticks, dunk tanks at carnivals, and solving crime with his psychic powers and best friend/sidekick.

Today Ben Mariner will be talking about what sparked the idea for the story.
* Well the short answer to that is: I don’t really know. Actually, I don’t really remember.
* The long answer:
* I came up with the idea for this story in high school, which was, I’m sad to say, over ten years ago. It was one of the first things I ever typed on the first household computer my family ever owned. That makes me sound incredibly old, but it was roughly 2003. Like I said, I don’t really remember where the idea came from. I just remember sitting down at that old secondhand desktop computer and typing up the first page of the first chapter. It was less than stellar and I never got past the first page at the time. The idea however, never really left my head. That idea of a person somehow managing to sleep through the apocalypse.
* Over the next few years after the initial concept came to mind, I kept going back to it. Trying time after time to start writing the story, but never really getting past the first page. That darned first page. At any given time I had a start of the story saved on floppy disk – that’s right, floppy disk – a local drive on a computer, or a handwritten notebook. They only thing that really persisted was the idea itself. I gave up on it at some point, but eventually I finally pushed past the first page and actually finished the whole book after a lot of work. The finished product then was wildly different than what it is now, but we’ll get there.
* So, I had a finished rough draft. Honestly, it was terrible. It was the first full manuscript I had ever finished so what do you really expect? I sat on it. Tucked it away for a rainy day, waiting for the right spark to go off that would tell me how to improve. Over half a decade later, it finally came. My closest friends and I are always discussing pop culture and making references to shows and movies. I thought it would be a lot of fun to write a book that really incorporated a lot of those things that we always joked about. Further than that, I thought it would be fun to direct it to one specific decade: the 90’s. It was, after all, a major part of my childhood and one of the greatest decades ever.
* But I didn’t have an idea for the story. Or did I? I remembered good ol’ Apocalypse Wow. I basically scrapped the whole thing and started from scratch. The bones of the story were still there, but it was different. It was better. It just made more sense. It flowed out of me so much easier. The pop culture references found their way easily into the dialogue. In less than a month, the new version of Apocalypse Wow was finished.
* So, while the full story took over ten years to come to fruition and went from first person to third person back to first person and through several different permutations, the idea remained. Even though the inspiration for the idea itself is well lost to time, the idea remained. The moral of the story, everyone? The good ideas never go away. If you think of an idea and you forget it, it was probably never that good of an idea in the first place.
A look into...

~ Blurb ~ * Jack Winters is in a bit of a pickle. Things started out just fine. He had a decent job and a few friends. Then he met the woman of his dreams. They go out on a date and things go really well. That’s when things go south. The morning after turns out to be a week later and the world went ahead and ended itself while Jack was far away in dreamland. Now he’s awake in a post-apocalyptic world with no family, no job, and worst of all, no girlfriend. Along with his friends and some other random tag-alongs, Jack will journey cross country to find the woman of his dreams against zombies, heavy metal horsemen, pirates, and a power so immense and evil it will put his very soul to the test. ~ Excerpt ~ * Now that I was fully dressed, I slipped on a pair of blue and white checkered Vans and walked to the kitchen. No day can possibly start right without a hearty bowl of Cap’n Crunch with Crunch Berries. I’m pretty sure that’s in the Bible somewhere. I took a clean bowl out of the cabinet next to the fridge and poured a heaping pile of delicious sugary cereal for myself. My fridge was divided into three categories assigned to each of the three shelves. The top shelf was reserved for everyday use items such as milk, eggs, and butter. The middle shelf was home to a series of take-out containers that had been systematically arranged Tetris-style one night when I was drunk and jonesing for a real world Tetris experience. I never had the heart to rearrange it. The bottom shelf was for beer. Cold, delicious beer.
* I grabbed the milk from the top shelf, filled the bowl with a generous amount, and put the jug back into the fridge. The clock on the microwave was telling me I had just over twenty minutes to get to work on time, if I cared to do so. Luckily, I didn’t, so I ate slowly, enjoying every last crunch berry and washing it all down with the remaining milk that now tasted fruity and wonderful. I rinsed the bowl out in the sink and left it there for later. I walked around the kitchen counter and into the main room of my apartment.
Buy Apocalypse Wow here... Amazon Find Ben Mariner here... Blog | Facebook | Twitter Thank you for joining us here today, Ben Mariner! It was a pleasure getting to know you and your story.

ANNOUNCEMENT! Ben Mariner will be awarding a $25 Amazon/BN GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour! So be sure to leave a comment AND use the Rafflecopter below. Also, visit the other tour stops for a greater chance of winning!

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Violet Howe & 'Diary of a Single Wedding Planner' @Violet_Howe @GoddessFish #RomCom

Today we have author Violet Howe visiting. Welcome!

What would you like to tell readers about yourself?

* Violet Howe enjoys writing romance with humor. She lives in Florida with her husband, who is her knight in shining armor, and their two handsome sons. They share their home with three adorable but spoiled dogs. When she’s not writing, Violet is usually watching movies, reading, or planning her next travel adventure. You can follow Violet’s ramblings on her blog, The Goddess Howe.


A look into...

~ Blurb ~ * Wedding planner Tyler Warren left heartbreak behind when she ran away from her small Southern hometown and started a new life in a big city. Years later, she wants to believe in the fairy-tale endings her job promotes, but the clients she meets day after day seem to be more “Crazily Ever After” than “Happily Ever After.”
* Meanwhile, her own attempts at romance play out as bizarre comedies rather than love stories, and she’s starting to think Prince Charming either fell off his horse or got eaten by a dragon. When unresolved issues from Tyler’s past complicate things even further, she discovers she may yet have some things to figure out before she can find her own happy ending.
* This delightful first book in the Tales Behind the Veils series chronicles Tyler’s wacky misadventures, both personal and professional. Whether she’s getting insane requests from brides or outlandish requests on dates, you’re sure to be charmed and entertained by the Diary of a Single Wedding Planner.
~ Excerpt ~ * I laughed at Mel and cringed at the memory she referred to. I was probably sixteen at the time, and my mother’s best friend had insisted

A Look At R. L. King & 'The Alastair Stone Chronicles series' @Dragonwriter11 @GoddessFish #UrbanFantasy

Today we have author R. L. King visiting. Welcome!

What would you like to tell readers about yourself?
* R. L. King is an award-winning author and game freelancer for Catalyst Game Labs, publisher of the popular roleplaying game Shadowrun. She has contributed fiction and game material to numerous sourcebooks, as well as one full-length adventure, "On the Run," included as part of the 2012 Origins-Award-winning "Runners' Toolkit."
* Her first novel in the Shadowrun universe, Borrowed Time, was published in May 2015.
* When not doing her best to make life difficult for her characters, King is a software technical writer for a large Silicon Valley database company. In her spare time (hah!) she enjoys hanging out with her very understanding spouse and her small herd of cats, watching way too much Doctor Who, and attending conventions when she can. She is an Active member of the Horror Writers' Association and the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, and a member of the International Association of Media Tie-in Writers.

Today R. L. King will be talking about how she handles balancing life and writing.
* Thank you very much for inviting me to your blog! You asked me to talk a bit about how I balance life and writing.
* I consider myself quite lucky that my situation makes it fairly easy for me to keep a balance between my writing and the rest of my life. For one thing, I have a good job as a technical writer that I like a lot, and best of all they let me telecommute! Since I live in the Silicon Valley and the roads are horrible during commute hours, that saves me about two hours a day where I’d otherwise be in the car.
* When I’m working on a project, I tend to write whenever I can: lunch hours, after work, evenings, weekends—and that’s the other area where I’m lucky. I have a very supportive spouse who loves the fact that I write and who’s proud of my accomplishments, so he’s (mostly!) patient with the fact that I can sometimes let other things slide when I’m in the middle of something. There are lots of reasons why he ends up in the dedications of all my novels, and putting up with my cluttered ways is by no means the least of them!
* We don’t have kids, which also makes things easier—I have a lot of respect for parents who manage to fit writing in around the edges of caring for kids, because I can see by watching them just how much work it is. That’s dedication! I don’t think I could manage that. My “kids” are a small herd of feline assistants, who most of the time either don’t bother me when I’m writing or sometimes even hang out with me (my tabby boy is my “mews”—he’ll sit on my desk and put his paws on my shoulders and go to sleep like that, which is nice.)
* I sometimes wonder if I’d be able to keep up the output rate I do if I had to deal with more obstacles in my life, honestly. I know I would still write—I can’t not write—but probably not as much as I do now. I’m in awe of other authors who manage to write as much as they do while juggling far more real-world responsibilities.
* Thank you again for the invitation! A look into...

~ Blurb ~ * Dr. Alastair Stone, Occult Studies professor, powerful mage, and snarky British expat now based in Palo Alto, California, does his best to keep his academic and social lives separate from his increasingly frequent brushes with various malevolent forces from the supernatural side of the street. A little horror, a little humor, but mostly straight-up urban fantasy.
* Stone and a Hard Place
* Dr. Alastair Stone, Occult Studies professor and powerful mage, has his hands full trying to keep the two sides of his life separate as he trains a new apprentice, deals with a malevolent entity trapped in the basement of a wealthy old woman's massive home, and battles dark mages intent on enslaving it for their own ends.
* Debut novel of the Alastair Stone Chronicles.
* The Forgotten
* Dr. Alastair Stone is back, this time teaming up with Jason Thayer, a young man hunting for his missing sister. Embroiled in a web of odd homeless people, a growing conspiracy, and deadly danger, they soon realize that even if they find Jason's sister, they might not be able to help her.
* What do you do when you discover an extradimensional plot that threatens the safety of the entire world, but you can't tell anyone about it because literally anyone on Earth could be part of it?
* Book Two of the Alastair Stone Chronicles.

~ Excerpt ~ THE FORGOTTEN
* Jason let out a loud sigh, his natural tendency to want to move nearly overwhelming now. “How do we know if it doesn’t work? Do we have to stand in here forever?”
* Stone was about to answer when he stiffened, startled. “It’s back,” he said, pointing at the mirror.
* Jason spun around. Sure enough, the reddish figure had reappeared behind them in the mirror, looking as angry as ever. It said something to Stone in its bones-and-parchment voice, punctuated by many growls and other sounds of displeasure. The mage nodded. “She’s there now, then?” he asked.
* The figure snarled and glared at Stone. It appeared to be contemplating another lunge out into the real world, but eyed the mage warily and decided against it. Instead, it spat at him. The spittle flew out, contacted its own side of the mirror, and ran down toward the table with a sizzle. Then it reached out with a ropy, muscular arm and attempted to sweep all the objects off the table on its side of the mirror. The candles, knife, and chalice went, careening silently over the edge and out of sight. The book remained, and the creature screamed in agony as its arm contacted it.
* “It’s fighting me—” Stone said under his breath. “I’m going to release it now.” He reached up with both hands and put them on the mirror again. Loudly and clearly, he uttered a long sentence in the strange Latin-like language, then pulled his hands back abruptly and clapped them together in a sudden, sharp sound that made Jason jump. He stumbled, reeling back, realizing with horror even as he did so that he had no way of stopping himself. He was going to fall over backwards, taking out a good chunk of the circle when he landed.
* As he went over, he got a last look at the creature’s face. Instead of looking angry, it looked suddenly surprised and triumphant. That lasted about two seconds. It flung itself forward again, clawed hands eagerly reaching in front of it, reaching for Stone, for Jason— Buy The Alastair Stone Chronicles series here... Amazon - Stone and a Hard Place (Book 1) | Amazon - The Forgotten (Book 2) | Magespace Press Find R. L. King here... Amazon Author Page | Facebook | Twitter | Website Thank you for joining us here today, R. L. King! It was a pleasure getting to know you and your story.

ANNOUNCEMENT! R. L. King is giving away a $40 Amazon or B/N GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour! So be sure to leave a comment AND use the Rafflecopter below. Also, visit the other tour stops for a greater chance of winning!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Scott Burtness & 'Northwoods Wolfman' @SWBauthor @GoddessFish #horror #humor

Today we have author Scott Burtness visiting. Welcome!

What would you like to tell readers about yourself?

* Scott lives in the Midwest with his wife and their boxer-pitt mix, Frank. He’s a horror, urban fantasy, and dark comedy fan, and also enjoys beer, bowling, karaoke, and rooting for the underdog. After not nearly enough consideration, he decided to write about the things he enjoys. The result was the Monsters in the Midwest series.


A look into...

~ Blurb ~ * When Dallas is recruited by an ancient order of monster hunters, he's more than happy to sign up. The self-proclaimed Hero of Trappersville did kill a bloodthirsty vampire, after all. As far as Dallas is concerned, monsters are monsters, and they have no place in Wisconsin.
* Or do they? And does Dallas really get to choose which side he's on?
* Book Two of the Monsters in the Midwest series.
~ Excerpt ~ * Randall had whistled through his teeth when Dallas answered the door.
* “You look like Batman and Tim the Tool Guy’s D.I.Y. lovechild,” he chuckled. “What are you planning to do with all that stuff?”
* The look Dallas gave Randall was sympathetic.
* “I know you been doing this for a little while, but I can see why Colton’s looking for new help. You gotta be prepared, right? Covert ops? Surgical strike? Get in, get out, get drunk, get laid, that’s how Big D rolls. You think I’m diving into a nest of, a nest of, um. You know, a nest of… Say, what are we hunting, anyway?”
* “Boo hag.”
* “Gesundheit.”
* “No, we’re hunting a boo hag.”
* “Doo rag?”
* “No, boo hag, you twit. Kinda like a vampire, but they eat life force from breath, not blood. Sometimes mistaken for skin walkers since they don’t have skin of their own and are fond of taking someone else’s to wear for a bit.”
* Dallas nodded authoritatively. “Well, that just proves my point. You think I’m diving into a nest of boo hags with nothing but my sunny disposition?”
Buy Northwoods Wolfman here... Amazon Find Scott Burtness here... Amazon Author Page | Facebook | Goodreads | Twitter Thank you for joining us here today, Scott Burtness! It was a pleasure getting to know you and your story.

ANNOUNCEMENT! Scott Burtness will be awarding a $10 Amazon/BN GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour! So be sure to leave a comment AND use the Rafflecopter below. Also, visit the other tour stops for a greater chance of winning!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Chapter 1 from 'Bad Larry and the Divorcee' by #MLevesque @evernightpub #erotic #suspense

Today we have author M. Levesque visiting. Welcome!

What would you like to tell readers about yourself?
* Marie lives with her husband/best friend in the beautiful valley town where she was born. She has been a life-long reader and avid writer but this is a debut publication for Marie. She believes humor is an essential part of life and likes to have it in all of her writing. She has plans for many more publications with Evernight Publishing in the near future.

What are you going to tell us about today?
* The first chapter of my story, Bad Larry and the Divorcee. Mexican Hair Remover * This was my first official outing since the divorce. A former classmate died the week before and my class of seventy-four was holding a memorial service in our local Knights of Columbus hall.
* I normally didn’t go to these things, since high school hadn’t exactly been the time of my life. I’d known very little about the guy who died, beyond one date at the movies that ended abruptly when I’d assaulted him with candy but I was sick of hiding in my run down crappy apartment just thinking about my ex-husband and his shiny new girlfriend.
* To be quite honest I’m not great with death in general but I’m not really great with life either. So, unlike the majority of people going up to speak a few words about their memories of a guy very few of them really knew, I sat quietly in the back, next to my best friend from high school. I thought about the time the deceased and I went out for a movie and he behaved himself after nearly being concussed by a king sized Charleston chew. This apparently classified him as being nice, so I thought nice thoughts about David Bogs, the nice guy that I went on a date with, that one time.
* I was currently sporting my favorite little black dress, which only fit again because when one gets a divorce you not only lose your dream house, half your stuff, your pride, your faith in the opposite sex and all of your couple friends, but you also lose a few pounds in the process of having your heart ripped out and set on fire.
* To complete my post-divorce ensemble I was also wearing some sexy little four inch vixen pumps and my last pair of clean underwear…which weren’t really underwear as much as they were bikini bottoms. My new apartment, on the wrong side of town, didn’t have laundry, so between my work schedule and the fact that I hated the Laundry Nazi that ran the only laundromat in town…it was bikini bottoms or commando.
* At least I wasn’t here alone. Pam sat beside me wiping tears from her glittering blue eyes with the corner of a designer silk scarf. I glanced over at her, dabbing daintily as not to mess her perfect makeup and was nearly blinded by the glittering stone on her ring finger. I tried not to glare at her but as the laser etched four-carat princess cut stone caught the low light of the room again it made me wonder if carrying that thing around all day would cause long term damage to her spine.
* In grade school Pam and I had been equals. We’d been inseparable since kindergarten and nobody ever questioned why we were best friends until puberty hit and Pam turned into a supermodel overnight. As to whether or not this had anything to do with her perfect marriage to a rich scientist or not, that was left to be seen but they’d met in college and seemed to lead an almost magical existence together as beauty and the geek.
* I squelched my jealousy. Pam was a great person, probably a better person than I was and she deserved to be happy with her husband who invented microwave bacon. She deserved to be happy living in a Malibu mansion complete with its own elevator and faux British butler.
* I felt myself hunch down in my seat as the weight of my envy started to crush my inner awesomeness into a sticky paste of self-loathing.
* I noticed this and straightened my spine in defiance of my own self-doubt. I was happy. Well, at least I was happier than I had been when I was married to that glorified ambulance chaser.
* My life was great now… Okay, life wasn’t great but it was better than the poor guy we were remembering here today. I wasn’t even sure how he’d died and a morbid part of my brain was very curious as to how a thirty-year-old guy suddenly drops dead. This of course led to thoughts of my own mortality and the very real fact that life wasn’t forever and thus far, I’d done nothing with mine. Top off this fun fact with the current (possible medical emergency) going on between my thighs and my okay life was taking a nosedive into crappy fast enough to break the sound barrier. I needed very badly to go to the bathroom but doing so at this point in time would seem rude, and the tears streaming down my face were not for the deceased.
* Sadly, I was having said emergency because of cheap Mexican hair removal products that I bought on eBay. More specifically, it may have been used on a location on my body not suggested by the manufacturer. That little red warning label wasn’t just there for decoration after all.
* The twentieth girl David Bogs dated in high school was standing up to take the stage and I was starting to think nice guy was a bit of a player but more importantly, I was pretty sure my vagina was about to spontaneously combust.
* The thought had me squirming in my seat. “I have to go to the bathroom!” I hissed in a panicked tone, grabbing Pam’s hand and nearly slicing my hand open on her wedding ring.
* She met my urgent gaze and nodded once. “Okay…do you want me to go with you?”
* I thought that was unspoken girl code anyway but instead of answering her I shot to my feet and dragged her to hers.
* Everyone stopped and turned around to face us with expectant expressions on their tear-streaked faces.
* I stood frozen, looking at all those faces from my past. A past I’d rather forget if given the choice.
* Pam snapped to attention and flicked her wrist at them, like a monarch. “Continue.”
* We burst into the handicap bathroom, which I noticed in passing was just as dreary as one would expect at a place like this and I immediately lifted my skirt and started scratching at the affected area. My eyes rolled back in my head and I blew out a sigh of relief as the itching/burning slowly dulled.
* “Are you okay?” Pam’s eyes widened with concern.
* “I don’t know. I need you to look.” I kicked off my heels and shimmied out of my bikini bottoms.
* “Look at what?” Her eyes widened further.
* “My crotch!” I hissed at her. “I think I might have chemical burn. Just tell me how bad it is.” I hopped up onto the counter between the sinks. If it’s really bad I’ll go to the hospital.
* She rushed to the door and twisted the lock. “I’m not drunk enough for this, Rye.”
* “It’s two o’clock in the afternoon. Why are you even drunk at all?” I lifted my feet onto the counter. “You don’t have a drinking problem do you?”
* She snorted. “I hate these things. I’m only here because of you. Plus, I’m too rich to have a drinking problem.”
* She had a point and who was I to judge? I was the one sitting on a bathroom sink with my legs open.
* “You’re sure this isn’t a side effect of being married to your ex?” She asked, trying to seem casual about the fact that he’d basically put his dick on layaway at Walmart for the last five years of our marriage and I might have some sort of antibiotic resistant strain of Chlamydia.
* Thankfully I knew that wasn’t the case. I’d been tested as soon as I found out and I’d luckily come back with a clean bill of health. On the not so bright side of the things, STD free or not, I’d essentially dumped battery acid on my coochie. “It was hair remover product.” I admitted timidly. I could no longer afford bi monthly trips to the best salons in town, just to have a complete stranger pour hot wax on my downstairs and rip the hair out by the roots.
* She winced and lifted the edge of my skirt just in time for a man to walk into the room, through the supposedly locked bathroom door. We both froze as tall dark and handsome took in what he was seeing. Pam dropped the edge of my skirt and took a step back as I clambered off the counter.
* “I thought you locked the door?” I asked her.
* “I did,” she whispered back.
* My face flamed dark red. “That wasn’t what it looked like. I’m kind of having a medical emergency.”
* He slowly gave me a sympathetic smile. “I’m an EMT and a cop. I could call an ambulance?” He pulled out his badge, then his cellphone.
* I narrowed my eyes at him. Of course I would run into Super Cop. I was starting to think I was the only one from my graduating class that hadn’t done anything worthwhile with my life. This guy had become Superman and I’d dropped out of college early, to marry a lawyer. Fat load of good that did me. Now, I was a secretary for a lawn mowing and pool cleaning company because I gave the workers something pretty to look at in the office and I was having my best friend give me armature medical advice because my co-pay was more than I made in three months. “Are you really an EMT?”
* He smirked. “Part time, yes I am. Did you use a different soap or laundry detergent? You’re probably having an allergic reaction. I can take a quick look at it if you’d like.” Now it was his turn to blush.
* “It was cheap Mexican hair remover cream, actually.” I mumbled then glanced at Pam. I wasn’t sure what the protocol was on this sort of thing. She shrugged, leaving it completely up to me as to whether or not I was going to allow a strange man to look up my skirt in the name of free medical advice. On the plus side, he didn’t mention STDs.
* After a moment of thought I nodded.
* “Do you mind watching the door?” he asked Pam who nodded like a bobbing head doll. Then he stepped forward, put his hands on my waist and lifted me back onto the counter, like a champ. I lifted my knees slowly as he got down onto one of his.
* I snapped my legs together suddenly. “Um, my name is Riya,” I blurted out.
* He glanced up at me and offered me his hand over my knees. “I’m sorry, how rude of me. I’m Jaden.”
* Then he looked down and pried my knees apart gently before lifting my skirt. “Oh my god.” He glanced up at me, his face a little ashen.
* “Am I going to die?” I whispered.
* Pam’s eyes widened as she glanced at me.
* He looked back down between my legs. “It’s pretty red and there appears to be some blistering.” He blew on the skin and my head thunked back into the mirror behind me. “Does that feel better?”
* Sadly it felt better than anything I’d been able to do to myself in that last year and from the knowing smirk on Pam’s face she knew it too.
* He lowered my skirt back down and I sat up. “I suggest you use a paste of baking soda and water to…prevent further damage to the affected area.”
* He swooped down and picked up my neon yellow bikini bottoms off the floor and dangled them in front of me with one finger. “Laundry day?”
* I hopped off the counter and snatched the underwear from his hand. “You know,” I said by way of changing the subject, “I don’t remember you from high school.” And he was hot enough to remember.
* He seemed confused for a moment before nodding in sudden understanding. “You wouldn’t, I’m a detective for the case.”
* “What case?” Pam and I asked simultaneously.
* He held up a finger. “Your class stud. He was murdered.”
* “Huh.” I pulled on my bikini bottoms and shimmied everything back into place. Jaden was watching me with amused interest. This was the look I got from most men. They always seemed interested but really weren’t sure what to do with me once they got me. I was funny from a distance but up close…I think I was just confusing. This little incident with the Mexican hair removal products was just the latest in a long line of embarrassing mishaps that controlled my life.
* As if reading my thoughts he cleared his throat. “Does this sort of thing happen to you often?”
* “It’s not my fault.” I explained. “My ancestor’s milk cow kicked over a lantern and burned down half of Chicago. It’s the family curse.” Pam and I nodded at him in unison.
* He pinched his lips together and cleared his throat again. “I don’t know if you’re joking or not but I meant, do you ignore warning labels?”
* I shrugged and pulled on my shoes with one hand on his very solid shoulder.
* Pam’s eyes sparkled mischievously and she looked down at her phone. “I have to go.”
* I gave her the same look Jesus gave Judas at suppertime but she smiled brightly and wondered out the door. “I’m staying at the Inn, call me later.” She yelled.
* I slapped myself in the forehead. “I forgot my purse.” I was not going back in there. I hated those people and my support system had failed me as soon as she saw a potential candidate to fill the role of rebound boyfriend. I kept telling her I wasn’t interested in another man but she ignored me. She thought my lack of interest in the opposite sex had more to do with the fact that my only ever lover had been able to bring me to climax one time during our relationship.
* Jaden raised his eyebrows at me. “Would you like me to help you out?”
* For the briefest of moments I worried that he’d read my mind again, until I realized he was talking about the purse. I crossed my arms and assessed him carefully. “What’s in it for you?”
* “I’ll get your purse but only if you give me your number afterwards.”
* “I can’t.”
* His charming smile withered into a slight grimace.
* I immediately wanted to assure the ego bruised Adonis that my lack of interest had nothing to do with the fact that I wasn’t chomping at the bit to play doctor again. “No, it’s nothing like that. You’re very attractive but I’ve given up men.” I flashed him my tan line from where I’d worn a wedding ring for the last ten years.
* Without missing a beat, he quirked an eyebrow at me, “We’re not all the same you know.”
* I snorted. “Yeah but I’m allergic to green Skittles and I’m colorblind where Skittles are concerned…so rather than risk death, I’m not eating Skittles anymore.” The unspoken part was that I was really starting to crave Skittles. Funerals always made me crave Skittles. Don’t judge me.
* He was obviously confused but unwilling to throw in the towel just yet. “I know that means something to you, but maybe you should explain it to me…slowly.”
* “It means I’m colorblind when it comes to men and I always pick the green ones.”
* “I’m not sure but that sounds a little racist,” he said.
* “Okay, not colorblind, just asshole blind. Now, will you get my purse or not?”
* He peered at me through narrowed eyes. “I’ll get your purse but just so you know, we’re still going out, at least once. I like you.”
* “I can’t, I’m already in a relationship.” I said, desperately. I could feel my resolution dissolving very quickly under his blue-eyed stare.
* “Are you in a relationship with a woman because you just told me you’ve given up on men?”
* I chewed my bottom lip and his eyes darted down to my mouth. Just the fact that he noticed my mouth turned me on. What was wrong with me? “No, not with a woman. It’s actually more of a really jealous roommate situation, than an actual relationship.”
* “Cats and goldfish don’t count,” he said, cueing in on my vagueness.
* “Ha, joke’s on you, he’s a Doberman named Bad Larry and Larry likes men less than I do.” Bad Larry is actually a twelve-pound Miniature Pinscher but he really doesn’t like men and he doesn’t really know he’s only twelve pounds and he has a rap sheet to prove it.
* I got Larry when the divorce was finalized. My ex didn’t like dogs so in an act of admittedly impulsive rebellion, I got Larry. Larry was a rescue from an animal shelter and when I saw him for the first time and discovered that he didn’t like men either, we became best friends. I promised to never let anyone hurt him again and he promised to make sure that in a moment of hormonal weakness, I didn’t let any men come back to my apartment.
* I’d witnessed Larry in action twice. Once when the vet was checking him over before I brought him home and once when I was taking him out to pee and a construction worker tried to pet him. Larry is now on a city mandated bad dog list, meaning that he has to behave himself from now on or he could be taken away and put in puppy lifer prison.
* Jaden shook his head at me and returned a moment later with my purse in one hand and his phone in the other. “I have to go right now but I put my card in your purse just in case you change your mind about Skittles.”
* I winked at him. “You got it stud, but right now I have an emergency date with the box of baking soda currently deodorizing my fridge.”
* He smiled broadly at me. “Tell Bad Larry I said hello.”
* “Bad Larry doesn’t need to know about you. Trust me, it’s for your own protection.” A look into the story

~ Blurb ~ 10% of author profits for Bad Larry and the Divorcee will be donated to animal rescue! Editor's Pick! * Riya’s divorce gift to herself is to adopt a dog. Bad Larry and Riya meet at an animal shelter and quickly bond over their mutual hatred of men. Riya promises the little dog that she’ll never let anything bad happen to him again, if he promises to make it hard for her to bring any men back to her apartment, in a moment of weakness.
* Jaden is investigating the murder of one of Riya’s high school classmates and after a strange first encounter in a public bathroom, he asks her out. She shoots him down but he’s determined to get to know her better, despite her warnings of owning a dangerous, man-hating dog.
* Riya has no choice but to let Jaden into her life when she starts getting threatening letters from the killer but are she and Bad Larry ready to give Jaden an honest shot? Buy Bad Larry and the Divorcee here... All Romance eBooks | Amazon | M. Levesque at Barnes & Noble | BookStrand | Evernight Publishing | M. Levesque at Kobo | M. Levesque at Smashwords Find M. Levesque here... Blog | Evernight Publishing Thank you for joining us here today, M. Levesque! It was a pleasure getting to know you and your story.

A Look At Scott D. Southard & 'Permanent Spring Showers' @SDSouthard @GoddessFish #literary #romance

Today we have author Scott D. Southard visiting. Welcome!

What would you like to tell readers about yourself?

* Scott D. Southard is the author of A Jane Austen Daydream, Maximilian Standforth and the Case of the Dangerous Dare, My Problem With Doors, Megan, 3 Days in Rome and Me Stuff in addition to his latest release, Permanent Spring Showers. His eclectic writing has also found its way into radio, as Scott was the creator of the radio comedy series The Dante Experience. The production was honored with the Golden Headset Award for Best MultiCast Audio and the Silver Ogle Award for Best Fantasy Audio Production. Scott received his Master's in writing from the University of Southern California. Scott can be found on the internet via his writing blog “The Musings & Artful Blunders of Scott D. Southard" where he writes on topics ranging from writing, art, books, TV, writing, parenting, life, movies, and writing. He even shares original fiction on the site. His blog can be found at http://sdsouthard.com. Scott is also the fiction book reviewer for WKAR's daily radio show Current State.

What are you going to tell us about today?
* My literary fiction story: Permanent Spring Showers. A look into the story

~ Blurb ~ * Professor Rebecca Stanley-Wilson is having a very bad season. The ramifications of one torrid evening with one of the great upcoming painters of his generation, will not only be felt across her life but over the entire art world. Sexy, funny, and very surprising, Permanent Spring Showers is the tale of one very memorable springtime and how it impacts a group of unique artists and dreamers. From the the hopeful Olympian with the failing marriage to the writer who is creating a new literary movement (through outright manipulation) to the romantic wondering what he did wrong to drive away the love of his life, each tale walks the line between reality and fantasy. And waiting at the end of the line is a very important painting... and possibly the revolver used in the Lincoln Assassination. ~ Excerpt ~ * “You’re going to be fine, aren’t you, Steve?” A male voice with a British accent said behind me as I scanned the restaurant for the person I once considered my soulmate.
* “Like warm applesauce,” I mumbled in reply, not bothering to turn around and face Vince.
* Vince is my age and has a resumé an arm’s length long, painter, poet, performance artist, etc.; and he looks the part for all of those roles, from his black trench coat with the collar up to the tight shirt with an obscure artistic expression on it to the jeans with the holes that are a little too perfect. He has black hair, blue eyes, and from what every girl tells me, he is frightfully handsome. Hanging out with him can make a person feel like a pre-destined wingman, chosen by a maker never to be the center of attention. Oh, by coincidence, I met Vince at the creative writing course I mentioned earlier. He spent the entire time correcting the teacher and even once he stood on his desk screaming about romantic literature (I still don’t understand half of what he said), the whole class was sure he came in drunk that day, but he might’ve been acting. There is a lot of acting around Vince. Did I mention he’s pretending to be British right now? And no, I don’t mean RIGHT now, I mean for the last four months right now.
* “Applesauce?” His accent rising a little in confusion.
* I didn’t bother to say anything more to him because I had found her; and, shit, she still looked like a fallen angel. Buy Permanent Spring Showers here... Amazon | Barnes & Noble | iTunes | Smashwords Find Scott D. Southard here... Kindle Blog | Facebook | Twitter | Website/Blog Thank you for joining us here today, Scott D. Southard! It was a pleasure getting to know you and your story.

ANNOUNCEMENT! The author will be awarding a $10 Amazon/BN GC to a randomly drawn winner via rafflecopter during the tour! So be sure to leave a comment AND use the Rafflecopter below. Also, visit the other tour stops for a greater chance of winning!

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A Look At Mandy Colton & 'Way to Go' @mandycoltonfic @GoddessFish #humor

Today we have author Mandy Colton visiting. Welcome!

What would you like to tell readers about yourself?
* Mandy Colton is from Louisville, KY, and lives a very quiet life with her husband and teenage son. She’s a fan of romance, fun adventure stories, and some occasional sci-fi or paranormal thrown in. Veronica Lane and the idea for her adventures came from her own experiences and career working in the travel industry.
* She claims that working in the travel business could be horribly stressful but was equally laugh-out-loud funny at times. She enjoyed many priceless and comical experiences with groups, friends, and peers. Even her clients shared humorous adventures of their own. Her opinion is that there just are no better stories than those that involve true life.

What are you going to tell us about today?
* My story: Way to Go. A look into the story

~ Blurb ~ * Veronica Lane works in the travel industry in her dream job when she experiences a hellish travel day ending in the loss of her job and stranded far from home. To make the situation even worse, she drowns her sorrows in the hotel bar, and wakes the next morning to a big surprise.
* Gathering up the remains of her dignity along with her travel bags, she returns to her hometown in Peachtree City, Georgia. A community similar to a progressive Mayberry, except with golf cart paths and carts. A lot of them. Her family is kooky. The parents are sexually free and liberal, her brother is a golf cart cop with more good looks and brawn than brains. Her grandparents, one from each side, live in the same retirement community and maintain a constant battle while entertaining the other senior citizens. The Grandmother on her dad's side is stuck in the 1960’s, and the Grandfather on her mother's side served in WWII and thinks that the Japanese are still trying to kill him.
* She calls inquiring about a job in the newspaper, a group escort for a small tour company in Atlanta. She is hired immediately and leaves the next day with her first group to Jamaica. First, she meets a handsome pilot with the charter airline they use, and then there is one unusual group participant that doesn’t seem to belong. He leaves the group for periods of time and when things happen, he uses MacGyver like skills to get them out of the situations. She is aggravated and knows something is fishy and the bad thing is, the man is very charismatic and she’s not just a little attracted to him.
* Upon their return, she finds out that the man is friends with her rather unconventional boss and after a second unusual group excursion to Puerto Rico; she knows for sure that the little tour company in Atlanta is not really what it seems on the outside. When the truth is revealed, she finds herself unintentionally dropped into a new career that she can't exactly add to her resume.
* Veronica finds herself in uncomfortable and hilarious situations, surrounded by crazy tour participants, family, friends, neighbors, and pets. After a long dry spell, she finds that there is suddenly an overabundance of romance, drama, and intrigue in her life. Her life is now a sometimes very bumpy, yet exciting ride. ~ Excerpt ~ * “Hey, guys. What’s up? Is the bar not open?”
* The two elderly ladies in the group walked up next to me. The one named Zelda said, “Well, ain’t that a peculiar-lookin’ bathin’ suit on that man. Looks almost nude.”
* Then the man turned around, and I gasped.
* Zelda’s travel companion, Ruby, craned her neck, blinked a couple of times, and said, “Zelda, is that what I think it is?”
* “Yup, I’m bettin’ my tummy tuck it is. From here, it don’t hardly look like one. Wouldn’t think he’d want the whole world to know God gave him a dinky one like that.”
* O-mi-god! He wasn’t the only one like…that at the beach bar. And they were mostly middle-aged or older. Oh, my poor eyes.
* When I was finally able to speak, I squeaked out, “Excuse me, folks. I have to go check something out. Be right back.”
* I heard a snigger behind me, and I didn’t have to guess who it came from. I ran past Chuckles to the front desk and asked for the manager again. I had a little trouble getting my breath and was beginning to hyperventilate, so I reached down, grabbed my knees, and stuck my head between my legs. At least blue would be a new color for my face today. Shit! Buy Way to Go here... Amazon | Nook & Kobo readers Find Mandy Colton here... Blog/Website | Facebook | Pinterest | Twitter Thank you for joining us here today, Mandy Colton! It was a pleasure getting to know you and your story.

ANNOUNCEMENT! Mandy will be awarding a randomly drawn commenter a $25 Amazon/BN GC! So be sure to leave a comment AND use the Rafflecopter below. Also, visit the other tour stops for a greater chance of winning!

a Rafflecopter giveaway